Swimming Home: A Love Story
by Master Gaga
Summary: Puck wrote Kurt seven letters, all on which he told him how much he loved him. After his death, Kurt receives them. How will Kurt react to the revelations, and the possibility that Puck might still be around? Slash. R
1. The Start and The End

_I'm back, darklings! After having taken a much needed break, I've returned. I must say, all this time I've been away, I've been wondering where I stand as a writer, and if I really write because I love to, or if I do it to please others. This story is a testament to what I've been through. I hope you enjoy it._

_P.S.: This takes place somewhere after "The First Time"_

* * *

_The Start and The End_

_Noah's POV_

I walk into my house knowing it's the last time I will do so.

I look around, and smile. The house looks the way it has since my childhood; messy, comfortable, and full of love.

My smile disappears quickly. This place has good memories, yes. But it has also been the stage to many horrible events that still haunt me to this very day.

I make my way into the living room, and sadness sweeps over me. I look at the sofa, where my mother and I always watch movies together. We never speak during them, which should be awkward, but it isn't. The silence is comfortable only when I am with mother.

_Mother, I'll miss you, and I'm sure you'll miss me…_

I then walk upstairs to my mother's bedroom, and almost cringe as I step in. This place is one I barely visit, even when mom is sick and can't leave the bed. It brings up painful memories of Dad.

_Dad. Always absent, always uncaring._

In a moment, I am taken over by anger. Once I'm gone, I'm sure he'll return. After all, he left because of me.

_No, he left because of what you are…_

I shake the thought off, and leave mom's bedroom. I go to my room, and sit at the edge of the bed. I stare at my TV. I look at my reflection, and smile. My Mohawk looks horrible.

The Mohawk. The only thing people seem to remember about me. It hurts to think that people don't even remember my name, or who I am. They only remember my mistakes, and the Mohawk.

_The stupid, fucking Mohawk._

I look at my pillows, and pull the letters from under them. Oh, the letters. I think I only stuck around to write them so _he _would know how I felt. How I'll always feel.

Before he can take over what I am-as thoughts of him always tend to do-I make my way towards the bathroom. I smile as I step in.

Oh, this place. This bathroom. I think this place holds as many memories of me as my bedroom does. It was here where I sat on the floor and cried after finding out Quinn was pregnant with my child. It was here where I sat down and cried after finding out I loved _him._ It was here where I cleaned up after every fight.

I shake off the memories, and get three bottles of pain killers from the bathroom cabinet. I then head to my room, and sit on the edge of the bed as I had done a few minutes ago.

Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to just…end it all?

_Yes, you do. There is nothing left here for you. The only person you want to love you doesn't, and the rest of the world thinks you're a failure. "A Lima loser," like Quinn told you once. Do you want to keep dragging your baggage around? Do you want keep living in this…shit?_

"No." I tell myself, and swallow all the pills in a matter of seconds. I throw the bottles to the floor, and lay down on the bed.

My stomach begins to feel weird, and I gasp. What have I done? What the hell have I done? I don't want to die!

But it's too late.

I feel the pills taking effect, and in seconds, I am giving into unconsciousness. Thoughts of him swim in my head, and I let them embrace me as I die.

_Kurt, I love you._

* * *

_Kurt's POV_

I sit up straight in bed, and take in my surroundings. I'm in my room, all alone. No one's here.

_You're safe, Kurt._

I calm down, and nod. I'm safe. No one can get into the house, much less my room. But knowing so doesn't seem to make the fear go away.

I grab my phone from the nightstand, and dial Blaine's number. He answers at the third ring.

"Kurt, love, what's wrong? It's four in the morning." Blaine says, sounding irritated. _Like he's been sounding for a few weeks now, Kurt._ I shrug the thought away.

"Oh, Blaine, I had the most horrible nightmare." I say, and tears well up. I let them flow, not being ashamed of crying. Why would I be? I'm talking to my boyfriend, after all. He doesn't care.

"Calm down, baby. It was only a nightmare." Blaine says softly, and I nod. He's right. It was only a nightmare.

_Then why am I reacting like this?_

"I know, Blaine, but it felt so real. _It was so real." _I say, and begin sobbing. Blaine consoles me for a while, and then, he asks:

"What did you dream, sweetheart?" I try to remember, but nothing pops up. I just remember the feelings.

"I don't remember, Blaine. I just remember being afraid, and sick, and like I was…" I hold back, wondering what Blaine would think.

"Yes?" He presses. _Like he's been doing lately…_

"I felt like I was losing a part of myself. I felt like my own heart was being ripped out from my chest." I say bluntly, and for a minute, Blaine doesn't speak. _Oops, sweetie. Was I too graphic? You __did__ pressure me into telling you._

"Well, you're alright, Kurt. It was just a dream. Shrug it off and go to sleep." Blaine says softly, but it sounds more like an order.

"Ok. Goodnight, Blaine." I say.

"Good morning, Kurt." Blaine says, and hangs up.

I try to go back to sleep, but can't. Graphic and violent imagery plays in the moment I close my eyes, so I avoid to so.

I spend the rest of the night awake, and when morning comes, I feel like a zombie. _Well, Kurt, what did you expect? Nightmares tend to do that people. They're called nightmares for a reason._

The morning after, I sit in the table of a popular coffee shop in Lima, one Blaine and I visit often. I am waiting for him.

I take a zip from my coffee, and groan in delight. _Delicious. _

After waiting for a few minutes, Blaine appears. Instantly, I notice he looks sad, and angry. I wonder if he's still angry about me calling you last night.

He sits across from me, and looks at me directly in the eyes.

"Kurt, babe, I have to tell you something." Blaine says, and I fear takes over me instantly. His tone is _wrong._

"What is it, Blaine?" I ask, hoping he'll just tell me he's pissed about me having called him so early in the morning.

But the moment I meet his gaze, I know it's something much worse, because what I see in Blaine's eyes is not anger, or sadness. What I see in his eyes is _regret._

"Kurt, honey, I think…I think we need to break up." Blaine says bluntly, and for a moment, I think he's joking. I laugh.

Then, he frowns. His reaction tells me everything.

"_Oh. You're…you're not joking."_ This slips out, and he shakes his head.

"No, Kurt. I'm not joking." Blaine says, and I look away from him. I don't want him to see me cry. Tears run down my cheeks quickly, and I hate myself for it.

"Why, Blaine?" I ask, and look at him. He momentarily freezes. _You're freaking him out, Kurt. He thought it would be easy to break up with you._

"Because, Kurt…I…I discovered I don't love you. I'm in love with…with what you represent." Blaine says, and I hold back a gasp.

_He doesn't love me._

"You don't…love me?" I ask, and have to hold back a sob. _I will not cry. I __will not__ cry._

Blaine shakes his head. I grab my coffee, and take a long zip, hoping the caffeine helps calm me down. I don't think it has any effect.

"What do I represent, Blaine?" I ask. He looks away.

"You're all I want. All I want…in a guy." Blaine says, and I scoff.

"Don't look away. Or are you too ashamed to even look at my face while you tell me you used me?" I ask, and Blaine looks at me, surprised. Hell, even I'm surprised.

"Kurt…I never used you." Blaine says softly, and I laugh bitterly.

"Last week we had sex. Now, you dump me. If you were a vampire and had gone evil, we'd have to call this _Buffy _season two." I say, and Blaine shakes his head.

"Kurt, please…don't be this way. You still mean something to me." Blaine says, and I laugh again.

"Save me the 'let's be friends' speech, Blaine. I don't…I can't believe I gave my virginity to you. I seriously can't." I say, and get up. I leave the coffee shop, and drive home. Once I'm home, I run to my room and throw myself in the bed. There, I allow myself to cry.

I cry for my lost love, for my lost virginity, and for having wasted my time with a guy who wasn't even in love with me.

Several hours later, I am woken up by someone shaking me.

"Dad, leave me alone." I say and turn around. I am poked in my back.

"It's not Dad, Kurt. It's me, Finn." Normally, I would've ignored him or told him to go away, but the way he sounds literally scares me. Finn sounds _dead._

I quickly turn around, and look at Finn.

"What's wrong, Finn?" I ask. Finn's clear eyes meet mine.

"Puck's dead, Kurt. _My best friend's dead_. I know you and I aren't…you…can you just…_hug me_, _please_?" Finn asks, and begins sobbing. I lunge at him, and hug him with all of my strength.

"I'm…so sorry, Finn." I say, and then it hits me. _Noah Puckerman is dead. As in, you're never seeing him again. He's DEAD._

For the second time today, I cry. This time, I cry for Finn's loss, and because I will miss Noah. Even though at first he messed with me and made fun of me like the rest of Ohio, he redeemed himself quickly and had earned a place in my heart. _A place that will now be empty._

* * *

The funeral took place four days after. After Finn had calmed down he told me what had happened: Puck's litter sister, Sarah, had come from school and had found him in his room. She thought he was sleeping, and tried to wake him up. He never regained consciousness.

The cause was suicide. He overdosed on pain pills. The four days before the funeral were horrible. Finn couldn't sleep or stop crying, so he moved into my bedroom. At first, he slept on the floor, but eventually, he slept in my bed, with me. It hurt me to see him like that.

The rest of the Glee Club came over to console Finn, but it did him little good. Once they started speaking about how good Puck was, he went crazy.

"_You didn't think that, did you? You didn't fucking care about him! None of us did! We treated him like shit, and now we'll always wonder if it was us who drove him off the edge. We'll always wonder if it was us who killed him!" _

I had to drug him-courtesy of Santana, who apparently carries sedatives around all the time-to get him to calm down.

Now, I sit in the front row of Noah's funeral, staring at his casket. In front of it is the Jewish version of a priest, who is talking about how his death-no one except Finn, me, the other Gleeks and his family knew it was a suicide-is a sad and deeply tragic event.

"Our youth, sadly, is straying away from The Creator. Noah, however, was one of the pure youngsters we had left. He came to the temple every weekend, with his Nana. He never brought us trouble. In fact, he was one of our most beloved." I am surprised. I hadn't known _that_ side of Noah.

Suddenly, a girl sits besides me. I turn to look at her.

She's around ten or eleven, and is wearing a really pretty black dress. Her hair is raven black, and her skin is that gorgeous tanned tone Noah's was.

_This is Sarah, his sister. He loved her._

"Are you Sarah, sweetie?" I ask her softly, hoping to avoid people noticing I am not paying attention to whatever the man is saying. She looks at me, and nods.

"Yes." She whispers, and smiles. I smile back.

"I knew your brother. He was in Glee Club with me. He was a very brave boy, you know. He protected me from a very bad guy." I tell her, and she looks surprised for a moment.

"Are you Kurt?" She asks me, and I nod. _Noah spoke to her about me?_

"Did Noah speak to you about me?" I ask her, and she nods. She smiles while talking about her brother, which nearly brings tears to my eyes.

"He spoke about you all the time. He spoke about how brave _you _were." She whispers, and I gasp.

"Really? Noah called _me _brave?" I ask, surprised. She nods.

"He left you something." She says, and again, I am surprised. From a little purse she's carrying she pulls out a group of envelopes kept together by a rubber band.

She hands them to me, and I take them. I stare at them like they're some alien artifact.

"How did you get this?" I ask her, and look up to see her face.

"They were under him. When they…took him away…I found them. Nobody noticed them. But I noticed your name was in each one of the envelopes, and I decided to give them to you. I think…I think it's what he would've wanted." She whispers to me, and I smile at her.

"You're wise beyond your years, sweetie." I tell her, and she surprises me with a hug. I hug back, feeling sad that she has lost her brother at such a young age.

Once I get home, I got to my room and lock the door. I don't want Finn to see the letter. I wouldn't do him any good.

I sit on the edge of my bed, and look at the letters. They all have numbers on them-they're seven in total-, so I pull out the one with the 1 on it, and break its envelope open.

I begin reading, wondering what Noah Puckerman would've wanted to tell me.

_**Dear Kurt,**_

_**I have something to confess.**_

_**First of all, I want to tell you how sorry I am. For what, you ask? Well, for being such an asshole to you. **_

_**Dude, you're awesome. You act like you're made of stone, and like you're a super bitch, but you aren't. You act like you don't care, but you do. And I admire you for that. You're one of the strongest persons I've met. But that's not what I am…oh, it's weird writing this. I've never written a letter before.**_

_**Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was an ass to you. I admit it. I threw you in the dumpster, called you a homo…I even slushied you. I regret all of it, Kurt. All of it. **_

_**Some times, I think of all the things I did to you, and I cry. I would've died if anyone did them to be. But you didn't die. You kept your head held high, and you stayed strong through all of it. I think that's one of the reasons why…why I've fallen in love with you.**_

_**There. I said it. Me, Noah Puckerman, super stud and hot mess, has fallen in love with Kurt Hummel, The Ice King.**_

_**When did this happen, you ask. Well…the answer would have to be…I don't know. What I do know it's that I didn't wake up one day loving you. No. It took some time.**_

_**I became…attracted to you…during the time I tossed you in the dumpster. I know, how original. I fell for you while hurting you. Anyways, I think that's when I fell for you.**_

_**I bet you're next question is: why didn't you tell me?**_

_**I didn't tell you, Kurt, because I hadn't accepted myself. I hadn't accepted I was…attracted to another guy. No, I don't say gay. Not because I have anything against gay guys, but because I don't consider myself gay. I guess I'm more among the lines of…bisexual. **_

_**But back to the point. I hadn't accepted myself, and I did stupid things to "turn" myself straight again. I slept with old chicks (cougars, if you want) over and over again, not because I liked it, but because I hoped that by doing so I'd become "a guy" again.**_

_**But it didn't help. All it did was make me feel lonelier. Then, to top things, I noticed you had a crush on Finn. Oh, Kurt. That killed me. It fucking killed me. You didn't even look at me-all you saw was Finn.**_

_**For a while, it hurt a lot. But I grew happy once you…moved on from Finn, and accepted he'd never reciprocate-yes, I can use big words-your feelings. I felt hopeful.**_

_**Yet, my hope vanished soon. That you moved on from Finn didn't mean you looked at me. Hell, you didn't look at me at all. But then, when summer came, I started…doing older women again…to change back. It didn't help, and I spent most of the summer depressed. I didn't have you, Kurt, and that was what I wanted the most.**_

_**I'm gonna stop writing because I don't want this letter to become even more depressing than It already is. Also, I don't want you to think I'm trying to make you like me. I'd never do that. What I want is…for you to know how I feel. And that there is someone who…loves you, Kurt. With all of his heart.**_

_**With love,**_

_**Noah**_

Tears are in my eyes by the time I'm done reading the letter. Noah had _loved me._ He'd been in love with me! How didn't I notice?

_Easy, Kurt. You were too enamored with Finn. Then, you ran away to Dalton. And then, you were too enamored with Blaine. You never even noticed Noah._

I hide the letters under my pillow, and go to sleep feeling sad and angry at myself.

There had been someone who loved me. Yes, it had been someone who bullied me; but he had loved me anyways. And I never noticed.

As I give into slumber, I wonder why I received the letter just now, and if I should tell Finn about their existence.

"_And if I only could,_

_I'd make a deal with God,_

_And I'd get him to swap our places,_

_Be running up that road,_

_Be running up that hill,_

_Be running up that building._

_If I only could, oh..."_

_-Kate Bush, "Running Up That Hill"_

* * *

_So…that's the first chapter of the story. It was long, surprising, and dark. But it's the kind of thing I do, isn't it? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Please, tell me what you think in review format. It would mean tons to me._

_Love and warmth,_

_-Master Gaga_


	2. Strange Events Sarah, The Strange

_The second chapter is here! First of all, I want to thank y'all for reviewing the past chapter, and for simply caring about my story. You guys are awesome, and deserve tons of cookies :)_

_Second of all; I won't go into much detail about the timeline on which the letters were written. I rather not, because it makes things super complicated. Let's just say each letter was written around 'major' events that Kurt had a role in._

_With that said, please, go on and read. And don't forget to review!_

* * *

_Strange Events + Sarah The Strange_

_Noah's POV_

_I have to ask him what happened_.

I sit next to Finn. We are in his room, playing _Halo._ Sadly, our characters are getting their asses kicked, which is angering Finn like hell. I laugh at his anger.

"Dude, calm down. It's just a game." I say, and Finn shakes his head.

"I won't calm down, Puck! It's not just a game, it's _Halo!_" Finn says, and the way he says _Halo _makes me grin. It's like he worships the game. _Ask him already, Puck. Grow some balls!_

I press a button on my controller that I know will stop the game. Finn instantly looks at me, and I wonder if he is considering hurting me.

"What was that for?" He asks, clearly annoyed. I put on my mask. _So it's a mask now? You're not Puckzilla anymore?_

"I need to ask you something. It's really important." I tell Finn, who nods. Fear takes over me for a moment. What if he freaks out? What if he throws me out?

_Why the hell would Finn Hudson throw you out of his house? You're his best friend, you idiot. Grow a damn pair!_

"What is it, Puck?" Finn asks, sounding impatient. "Do you…do you by any chance know why Kurt left?" I ask, and look directly into Finn's eyes. The moment I said Kurt's name, pain shot across his face, which worries me. _What's really going?_

"Kurt transferred to Dalton." Finn says, and I notice it took him a lot to say it. There was something more, something Finn was still putting his head around.

"I know that, Finn," I say softly, trying not to make him cry or something like that," But I mean…what made him transfer to Dalton?"

Finn's eyes meet mine, and I can see his inner struggle. He's wondering whether he can tell me or not. With my eyes, I try to let him know he can trust me.

_Why would he trust you, Puck? You've already failed him before. First, you took Quinn and knocked her up. Then, you took Rachel. You seem to have quite a liking for all that's Finn's._

The thought makes me feel like shit for a while, but I shake it off, and refocus on Finn, who still hasn't answered my question.

"He transferred because McKinley wasn't…he was…Kurt was getting bullied, Puck." Finn says, and I nod. I know this.

"We all get bullied, Finn. We're in Glee Club." I say, but Finn shakes his head.

"Yeah, I know, Puck. But Kurt was getting bullied like, ten times harder. Eventually, he just…decided he couldn't stick around." Finn says, and I gasp.

I take time to digest the information. Kurt was being bullied worse than the rest of us…but by whom? And why was he getting bullied worse?

"Who was bullying him, Finn? Was it someone in particular?" I ask Finn, who shakes his head.

"I can't say it, Puck. Please, don't make me say it. Can't we just go back to playing the game?" Finn asks, and I notice the conversation is taking a toll on him. I nod.

"Yeah, sure, dude. Let's go back to the game." I say, and we resume our activity. But through the whole game, all I can think about is Kurt, and the identity of the idiot who made him run away. _If I ever find out his identity, I swear, I'll kill him like they do in the horror movies._

* * *

_Kurt's POV_

Luckily for me, the day after I read the letter is a Saturday, and I sleep in. Finn-who's still sleeping with me-is snoring next to me, and it feels like someone is singing me a very strange and weird lullaby.

I am woken up by Finn when it is almost lunch time.

"Kurt, wake up. _Brother,_ wake up, I'm hungry." Finn says, and pokes me. I open my eyes, and give him my best bitch glare. He cringes, which makes me laugh internally.

"I told you not to call me brother." I say, and Finn nods, remembering.

"Kurt, _I'm hungry._ Can't we go upstairs to make breakfast?" Finn asks, sounding like a little child. I feel my earlier anger at him for calling me brother and waking me up disappear. _How can I say no to such a weirdly cute thing?_

"If by going upstairs to make breakfast you mean you go watch TV while I do everything, then, yes. Let's go." I say, and Finn jumps out of the bed and races upstairs. I laugh at his childish behavior.

I join him upstairs a few minutes after washing my teeth and face, and quickly start making pancakes. When I'm done, I take all the plates to the table. In a matter of seconds, Finn is at the table.

"Don't eat yet! Go get Carole and Dad." I tell him, and he shakes his head.

"I don't want to, Kurt. _I want to eat_." He whines, and I groan.

"Fine, Finn. _CAROLE! DAD! GET YOUR BUTTS DOWN HERE, BREAKFAST IS READY!" _I scream the last part, and Finn laughs.

I sit down, and begin eating. Dad and Carole join us in a matter of seconds, which makes me grin. _I'm a great screamer._

"Good morning, boys." Dad says, and basically throws himself at his plate. Carole sits down next to him.

"Good morning, boys. Kurt, honey, could you try not to scream so loud next time? I thought something bad had happened." Carole says, and I see the worry on her face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Carole. I really am. I just screamed because someone who I will be looking at discreetly and not with any intention of giving away his identity," I pause, and look at Finn, who laughs," Didn't want to wake you up." Carole and Dad laugh.

"Well, next time, just come get us. That'd be nicer." Carole says, and I nod.

"Sure." I say, and begin eating.

"So, Kurt, I was thinking about going to watch _Dark Shadows_ today. Want to come with me?" Finn asks me, and I shake my head.

"Sorry Finn, I can't. I've got some errands to run today." I say, and Finn frowns. I notice the parental unit staring at our conversation. _Think about it, Kurt. This is sort of the first time they've seen you and Finn actually behave like brothers._

"Well, can I tag along?" Finn asks hopefully. This time, I frown.

"You want to come with me to spend all day picking up clothes and seeing if they fit me?" I ask, and Finn and I laugh.

"Nope, I'm good." Finn says, and continues to eat. I look at our parents, and notice they look extremely happy. Oh, God. They are enjoying the fact that we are finally getting along. _Adults. They enjoy the weirdest things._

Then, I get an idea.

"But if you want, Finn, we can catch _Dark Shadows _after school on Monday." I say, and Finn nods.

"Sure. If guys don't mind, of course." Finn says, looking at Carole and Dad. They both nod quickly, which makes me laugh.

"Go watch the movie. Have fun." Dad says quickly, and Carole nods.

"Have dinner afterwards, too. We don't mind. You can stay out late. Very late!" Carole says, and I gasp. They all look at me.

"Are you guys…are you guys planning to have some sort of sexy time while Finn and I are gone?" I ask, and Carole blushes. Dad simply looks away, which confirms it. I grin.

"Kurt, don't ask more. It's early in the morning." Finn says, and I laugh. I turn to look at him.

"Actually, Finn," I look at the microwave's digital clock ", it's 1:22. Early afternoon." I say, and get up. I wash my plate, and then go to my room to get ready.

I decide on putting on black, ripped jeans, and a long, white Lady Gaga shirt. The shirt reaches my knees, and for a moment, I wonder why.

_It's meant to be worn by a girl as short dress, Kurt. But as a shirt, you're rocking it._

I grin at the thought, and decided to head out. Before I can open the door, however, dad appears out nowhere, and scares the glamorous out of me. _I doubt that could happen._

"Where are you going dressed like that, young man?" Dad asks, looking at my outfit like it was some sort of sacrilege.

"I told you while we were eating. I'm going to pick up clothes." I say, and Dad grins.

"Kurt, you haven't asked for my credit card. I know you're lying." Dad says, and I groan. _Damn it! And I really thought I could get away with it._

"Where are you going, young man? Are you going to see Blaine?" Dad asks, and I gasp and press my hand against the place where my heart should be. _But it isn't, Kurt. That's what you're missing. Your heart._

"No, Daddy. I'm not going to see Blaine. We…he broke up with me." I admit, and Dad frowns. He is clearly wondering what to do.

"Do I need to get my gun?" Dad asks, and I laugh. His joke makes the pain go away. Then, I realize something beautiful. _He's not joking._

"No, Dad. You don't need to get your gun. Although I secretly wish you would. But don't do it! Don't shoot him. He hurt me and…life will make sure he pays. Life's beautiful that way. All that you do always comes back to bite you in the ass." I say, and Dad nods.

"True, son. Very, very true." Dad says, and goes to the living room. I'm about to leave, when I realize I'm missing something. I run downstairs, and get letter number two. _Now I can go visit them._

* * *

The 'secret' place I was going to was the graveyard. I felt like I need to visit both Puck and my mother. It had been too long since I'd come to the graveyard.

Silently, I make my way through headstones. In a matter of seconds, I'm standing before my mother's, and I drop to my knees.

I touch the headstone, and imagine it is her hand I am touching.

"Hi, mom. It's me, Kurt. I know I haven't visited in a long time, and…I'm sorry for that. I've been…busy. But I'm here now." I say, and I can almost hear her reply.

"_It's fine, baby. You're here now. That's all that matters."_

I smile, and look away.

"I've got to go mom. There's someone else I have to visit. Someone who owes me a lot of answers." I tell her, and I imagine her nodding.

I get up, and look around for Noah's headstone. I am close to giving up when I find it. The headstone reads:

_Noah "Puck" Puckerman_

_Beloved Brother, Beloved Son and Beloved Friend_

"Hello, Noah. How are you?" I ask him, and try to imagine him answering me like I do with my mother. It doesn't work, which saddens me.

"I got your letters, Noah. I've only read one, but…it broke my heart. _It was so beautiful."_ The last part is a confession, something only Noah will know.

I try to imagine him saying something, but I can't. It's like I didn't know him.

"I didn't," I say to no one in particular. ", I didn't know you. Yes, I knew how you were in school. That part of you, the badass, I knew well. But I didn't know…your vulnerable side. Noah. I didn't know him. I wish I had, though. Maybe I'd have…maybe he and I…" I trail off, not knowing what to say. _What were you going to say, Kurt? That maybe if he'd been honest with you, you'd love him? Be honest with yourself. You wouldn't have even looked at me. You were blind._

I look at the headstone.

"I'm going to read the second letter now, right in front of you. I think it's…it's gonna help me understand. Being close to you, I mean." I say, and shake my head. I'm speaking nonsense.

I pull the letter from my pocket, and unbend it. I rip the envelop open, and accidentally cut myself.

"Shit." I say, as I watch a drop of my blood hit the ground. I lick my finger, and pray it doesn't get infected. I proceed to read the letter.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I'm angry at you. Yes, you read right. I'm angry at you. Today you dropped a major bomb. You came into Glee Club, and said you had transferred schools._

_But worse of all, you didn't even gave us a chance to react. You simply dropped it on us, and ran away. Kurt, why would you do that? Didn't you think about how that would hurt us?_

_Mercedes cried for the whole hour. Mr. Schue felt so bad he didn't even say anything the whole time. Brittany asked if it was her fault for having eaten all the magic mushrooms, which made Santana take her to the school nurse. Everyone freaked out over that, and for a while, we forgot the pain. But then, when we returned to the choir room, it came back._

_Kurt, without you, Glee will never be the same. You're like our Lady Gaga, or our Madonna. You were who helped us push boundaries, who gave us an 'edge'. _

_Without you, who'll sing those weird but touching songs you always sing? Who'll be as caring as you? The answer to those questions is the same: no one. No one has the balls you have, or your heart._

_So, no one will replace you; in the Glee Club…or in my heart._

_Kurt, I love you. I know that with all of my heart, with every fiber of my being. And to some extent, I understand what you did. _

_You had to leave for your own safety. You had to leave to be free. I get that; I really do. And…it makes me happy to think you'll be happy. That somehow, somewhere, you'll be in an environment where you'll be welcome and loved._

_So, what I want to say is, yes, I'm angry at you. But I'm also…glad; I guess…that you made the choice you made. _

_Take care of yourself, Kurt. But most importantly, be happy._

_With love,_

_Puck_

Tears are streaming down my cheeks by the time I am done reading it. I never thought about how leaving for Dalton could affect my friends. I never thought about the consequences it would have. I just made a choice. A choice I've begun to regret.

Yes, Dalton gave me safety for the few months I was there. And yes, in Dalton I hadn't been judged at all for my sexuality. But in Dalton I had no friends. In Dalton, my only friends were my pencils and notebooks. _This is why Blaine was so appealing. He was the closest thing I had. The closest thing I could get attached to._

"Puck…Noah…please, forgive me for being so ignorant. _Please forgive me for being so fucking blind."_

"Please, say something! For Cher's sake, just say something!" I scream at his headstone, and gasp. I'm screaming at a headstone. At an inanimate object. _I'm losing my mind_.

I stuff the letter in my pocket, and make my way out of the graveyard. But while walking, I bump into someone.

"I'm so sorry." I tell the person, and the notice who it is. Sarah Puckerman.

"It's ok, Kurt. Did you come to see Noah?" She asks softly, and I nod.

"Yes. I thought…I thought he could answers some questions. I was wrong." I say, and realize how crazy it sounds. I was expecting a dead friend to answer me some questions.

Sarah looked at me, and smiled.

"Don't give up on him just yet, Kurt." She says strangely, and I frown. What could she possibly mean by that?

"What do you mean, Sarah?" I ask, and for some reason, it comes out a whisper. This makes her smile.

"He sang me to sleep last night. I remember the song he sang clearly, Kurt. It was like…like he wasn't gone." Her words stun me. Did she just say…?

"What are you suggesting?" I ask Sarah, who meets my gaze, and for a moment, her eyes are not a child's. Her eyes are the eyes of a very, very old soul.

"I'm not suggesting anything, Kurt. I'm just saying…if you want an answer, you have to ask for it. Not weakly, but with all your heart. _You have to want it._" Sarah says, and her words make no sense to me. What the heck is this eleven-year-old saying?

My phone beeps, and I pull it out of my pocket. It is a text from Finn.

_Kurt, where are you? I'm bored :(_

I shake my head, and grin. I look at Sarah, who is looking at the headstone next to her.

"I have to go, Sarah. If you need anything, call me." I tell her my number, and she writes it down.

"Thank you, Kurt. You're really nice." She says, and walks away, possibly heading towards Puck's headstone.

All the way home, I wonder what she was talking about, and what she was suggesting.

"_He sang me to sleep last night." What did she mean by that? _I ask myself before going to sleep. Little did I know, I'd be getting an answer sooner than I expected.

"_I wish that I was strong,_

_I wish that I was wrong._

_I wish that I could cope, but I took pills and left a note."_

_-Lady Gaga, "Princess Die"_

* * *

_That was the second chapter. I hope you all liked it. It was almost as long as the first one, which brings me happiness. I haven't written anything this long, like in, ever._

_Anyways, I want to clarify something. The Puck scenes that take place before Kurt's POV are flashbacks, what happened before he wrote the letters._

_Now, review! Reviews make me happy. _

_ILU,_

_Master Gaga_


	3. Hallucination

_Hello, dear readers. Again, I thank you for supporting the story, and embracing it like you've embraced my previous stories. Now, before you read the following chapter, I must say a few things._

_First: This chapter contains a very dark scene, possibly the darkest I've written yet._

_Second; something rather shocking will happen in this chapter. I won't address it explicitly in the following chapters-though I eventually will-so, I leave it up to you to decide what is happening._

_That is all, readers. Please, go on and read._

* * *

_Hallucination_

_Noah's POV_

I am happy.

Through the grapevine, I heard Kurt was coming back. This is confirmed as soon as I step into the classroom Monday morning, mostly due to the fact that the entire classroom knows it, and are loudly discussing it.

Quickly, I realize everyone was told but me. This brings tears to my eyes, but I fight them off. _You will not cry in front of them. They don't deserve attention, much less your tears._

I make it through the morning, but once I get to the cafeteria to have lunch, I lose it. I see Kurt having lunch with most of the Glee Club, and I think about joining them for a minute.

Before I can do it, however, something happens.

"I see the way you look at him, Puckerman. You're _lusting_ after him. Sadly, he'll never look at you. He's still in love with Finn." I turn around to see Dave Karofsky, grinning from ear to ear.

"Someone should really have taught you to mind your own business, dick face. I swear to God, you even talk to me one more time, I'm going O.J. on your sorry ass." I say, and Dave pales. His smile disappears, and I chuckle.

"I was just…I was trying to help you avoid making a mistake, Puckerman." Karofsky says, trying to sound friendly.

"Is that what they told your parents when you were born? That it was a mistake?" I ask him cruelly, and I notice tears in his eyes. _Oh, shit. Puckzilla is back, and in great shape. McKinley High better watch out._

"Whatever it is you're talking about, cut it out, dude. You don't have to be mean." Karofsky says, and I laugh. _Look who's talking about mean, you dick face._

"Mean? I'm not being mean, _dude._ Just tell me; do you still have both?" The question makes the tears he was holding back come rushing down his cheeks, and I walk away laughing.

But then, it hits me.

_You've reduced yourself to his level, Puck. Now, you're nothing but another Neanderthal. Now, you're nothing but another brainless, piece of shit jock._

I don't eat anything after that. I sit down at a table for a while, but frustration and anger at myself take over my world in seconds, and I leave the cafeteria behind.

I go to the bathroom, and sit down in a stall. There, I cry. This surprises me, because I rarely cry.

Then, an idea forms in my head.

_Use it. You always have it with you for a reason._

From my pocket, I pull out a small knife I carry around for safety. Well, no, that's a lie. I always carry it around to look edgy if I get in a fight. It usually helps.

I look at the knife, and smile.

"Do you promise to make me feel better?" I ask, and obviously, I receive no answer. I'd have to be crazy to receive an answer.

Quickly, I roll up the sleeves of the jacket I am wearing. I look at my arms. They look normal, like any other arms would.

_Do it, Puck. Don't be a pussy._

Slowly, I press the knife against one of my arms, and start moving it around crazily. In a matter of seconds, I am bleeding.

I do the same to my other arm, and roll down my sleeves. Now, all is fine. I have been punished, and I can continue with my day.

_You'll never be enough for him, Puck. Why would he want you? You're nothing. You're only damaged goods. _

"I'm only damaged goods." I say, and resume crying.

* * *

_Kurt's POV_

I don't get any sleep in the entire weekend. I spend the nights having nightmares, and instead of sleeping by day, I sulk. Finn is freaked out by my behavior, but says nothing, knowing he was behaving the same way days earlier.

When Monday comes, I don't know what to expect. I no longer have bad or good days at school; they merge into one type, and that's boring.

As I shower, I wonder if I should tell Mercedes about the letters. I consider telling her while I dress, but decide against it once I'm driving towards school.

Mercedes is a great friend and everything, but she can't keep a secret. For Gaga's sake, it was her who spread around school that Quinn wasn't pregnant with Finn's child. It had been a miracle that she hadn't told Finn himself.

Once I get to school, I make my way to the cafeteria, where I find Mercedes and Tina having breakfast together. I join them, sitting down next to Tina and across from Mercedes.

"Morning, girls." I say.

"Good morning, sweetie. How are you?" Mercedes asks, and then zips from her cup of coffee.

"I'm good. What about you two?" I look at Tina, hoping she doesn't feel excluded from the conversation.

"I'm good. I had the most boring weekend in history, if that's possible. Mike made me watch some Asian movie about relationships. I think he's trying to prepare for when we're married." Tina says the last part sarcastically, and both Mercedes and I laugh.

"My weekend was good. I had a church concert." Mercedes says, and gives me a glare. She had invited me to the event, but I had declined. Churches are the only places I don't visit, besides from midnight showings of _Rocky Horror. _

"I'm sorry for not going, 'Cedes. You know how I am about churches." I say lamely, and she nods. We continue talking until the bells rings.

We all pick up our stuff, and head to class. Our morning classes are boring, until we reach the last one, which is history. There, something strange happens to me.

I get the strangest sense of déjà vu, and look to my side. The seat next to mine is empty. Then, I realize the reason why.

The seat next to mine was Puck's. He usually sat next to me, in most of the classes we had together. Now, I know why. The fact that there had been hints around me about his feelings for me brings tears to my eyes. _There were tons, and you never noticed._

I raise my hand, and ask permission to go the bathroom. Once it's granted, I practically run to the place.

Once I'm inside the bathroom, I drop to my knees. I being crying and sobbing, not caring about who hears me.

"Puck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for never having noticed you cared about me. I'm sorry for having been so blind. I truly am." I say between sobs, and cry even harder when I realize Puck will never forgive me. Not because he doesn't want to, but because he can't.

Once I'm done crying, I get up from the floor, and go to the sink. There, I wash my face, hoping it helps disguise the fact that I was crying. I don't think it does.

"Washing your face won't help hide it, Kurt. Trust me, I should know." A very familiar voice says behind me, and I gasp.

The voice of this person is a deep, husky voice. It is the voice of a tortured soul, the voice of someone I thought I'd never hear talking again. It's _his _voice.

I turn around, and again, I gasp. It takes me a second to realize who the person I'm looking at is. _Tanned skin, beautiful brown eyes, dark clothing, and a Mohawk._

"Puck?" I ask, and he smiles. Oh my God. His smile is breathtaking.

"Hi, Kurt." He says shyly, and I giggle. _The simply fact that he's acting shy should really tell you something, Kurt. Noah Puckerman was many things, but he rarely was shy._

"They said you left, Puck. That you…died." I say bluntly, and he nods. The information doesn't seem to affect him at all.

"They've said tons of things about me, Kurt." Puck says, and I grin.

"You say it like nothing's happened. Like everything's fine." I say, and Puck shakes his head.

"I'm sorry if it sounds that way. Major things have happened, Kurt. But I can't…I can't explain. Not yet." Puck says, and his tone lets me know he's not joking. I nod.

"Will I see you again?" I ask Puck, who instantly nods. This brings me happiness.

"You will. You and I…We have to talk." Puck says, and looks at the door. Then, he looks at me, and his face is full of pity.

"I have to go, Kurt. _Now_." Puck says, and I nod.

"If it's not too much, can I ask you for something?" Puck asks, and I nod again.

"Read the letters. I need you to read them. Also…can I have a kiss? For the road?" Puck asks, and I grin. I nod.

Puck approaches me slowly, as if he's afraid something will happen to me if he gets too close. Once he's standing in front of me, he leans in slowly.

When our lips meet, sparks fly. It's nothing like kissing Blaine had been. His kiss is wonderful, full of love, not lust.

After a while of kissing, I realize something is happening. I can't seem to open my eyes, and I can barely feel my body. Then, suddenly, sleepiness sweeps over me. I feel the overwhelming desire to sleep, and I give into it.

* * *

I wake up in the school infirmary. The nurse tells me some guys found me unconscious on the bathroom floor, and they brought me here.

"Did they see him?" I ask her, still feeling a little out of it. She frowns.

"Did they see who, sweetie?" She asks.

"Did they see Puck? He was there with me, you know. He kissed me." I tell her, and she stares at me for a moment.

"Sweetheart, if you're talking about Noah Puckerman…he's gone. He died a week ago." She tells me softly, and I nod. I know this. I…then, the sleepiness that still remained disappears. _Oh, Cher. Did I tell her something weird?_

"I…please, forgive me-"Then, surprisingly, Finn walks into the room, and lunges himself at me. He pulls me into an awkward hug.

"Oh, Kurt, you're alright!" Finn says, and then pulls away. The nurse looks at me.

"I'll leave you two alone." She says, and leaves. I look at Finn.

"What time is it, Finn?" I ask him, and he pulls out his phone.

"Ten minutes 'till they let us go. We're still going to see _Dark Shadows,_ right?" Finn asks, hopeful. I remember about it, and nod.

"Sure, Finn. But…can you drive? I still feel a little out of it." I say, and he nods. I give him my car keys, and we talk until the bell rings. We make our way to the parking lot, where we get into the car. Finn drives, like I asked him to. The whole way to the movies, I think about what happened in the bathroom.

Had Puck really been there? Had I made it up? I had no idea, but, strangely for me, I was leaning towards the he was there side. The kiss…it had felt too real to be imagined.

At the movies, Finn pays for the tickets, and I for the popcorn and drinks. We sit next to each other, and luckily, I don't fall asleep during the movie. It is good, but not my type of movie.

When the movie ends, we head to _Olive Garden_, which is right next to the theater, for some strange reason.

It is there where the other main even of the day happens.

Finn and I order the fettuccini Alfredo, and we eat while talking about stuff we like. Finn talks about some TV show he now watches, which airs on MTV ("But I only watch it for the girls"), and I talk to him about the new Madonna album ("It's so fun. You'd enjoy it.").

Talking with Finn feels strange in a good way. If you'd told me two years ago that I'd be hanging out with Finn Hudson (who I was swooning over two years ago) I might have fainted.

Then, I see them. They are a few tables away from us, but I notice who they are quickly. _Blaine and Sebastian, having dinner._

"Finn, I have to go. I _really_ have to go." I tell him quickly, never looking away from them. He notices I'm not looking at him, and follows me gaze.

He then looks at me.

"Is he cheating?" Finn asks quickly, angry. I shake my head.

"No. We broke up. But it…it hurts too much to watch." I tell Finn, who nods.

"I'll go pay. I'll meet you at the car." Finn says, and I nod. We both get up, but head separate ways. Finn goes to the back of the restaurant, while I run to exit.

Once I'm outside, I feel better. I go towards the car, and lean against it. There, knowing I am alone, I break into tears.

I honestly don't know why I'm crying-Maybe because of Blaine, maybe because of what happened with Puck earlier today-but it feels good, and I don't stop.

Minutes later, Finn walks out of the restaurant. He approaches me slowly; much like Puck did, and pulls me into a hug. I don't fight it.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Finn says softly, and I say nothing, because, really, what could I say?

Finn and I don't talk on the way home, but things aren't awkward. Words are just not needed, so they aren't used

When we get home, Finn goes to the living room, probably to watch television. I go to my room as silently as possible, remembering the parental units are possibly engaging in activities I rather not think about.

I take a shower, and before going to bed, I pull out letter number 3 from under my pillow. I wonder what this one will tell me.

_Dear Kurt,_

_Today, something epic happened. You returned to McKinley!_

_I don't know why you did it, or what inspired you to come back, but I'm thankful to whatever it is that made you change your mind. McKinley without you has been hell._

_Literally._

_Everything has been boring; everyone in Glee Club is doing the same old predictable stuff. Rachel-who has become boring and totally not dramatic during your absence-has turned into a total softie. She rarely sings cool stuff now._

_Mercedes has gone soft, too. Since she has no competition, she no longer pushes her ideas like a drug dealer pushes crack._

_Brittany and Santana are the only thing keeping Glee Club alive. Santana with bitchiness, of course, and Brittany with her spirit. A couple of days ago she told everyone a faerie had told her the choir room was going to blow up, and the funniest thing ever happened._

_Mr. Schue-who has also become boring-told everyone to evacuate the choir room, and we spent twenty minutes waiting in the hall for the room to blow up. Once it didn't, Tina asked Brittany if she'd lied. Brittany told her it wasn't lying if you got to laugh, which she did._

_Anyways…I'm super happy you're back, Kurt. I tried to talk to you this morning but…something came up and I had to go. I'm sad I didn't get to talk to you. But it's fine, I guess. We'll get to talk later. Maybe I'll even tell you how I feel._

_P.S.: This is my third attempt at telling you how I feel via a letter, and I have failed. Whenever I approach your locker to put the letter in it, something happens to me, and I end up running away from it as fast as I can. Stupid, right? But don't worry. Someday, I'll find a way to tell you how I feel._

_With love,_

_Puck_

Again, I am crying once I'm done reading the letter. Its honesty and rawness are beautiful, and they make my heart ache.

How could I have gone for Blaine, when there was someone who loved me right next to me? How could I have been so blind?

I go to sleep thinking about these things. In my dreams, Puck and I are in the bathroom, kissing.

"_**And I had a dream**_

_**About my old school**_

_**And she was there all pink and gold and glittering**_

_**I threw my arms around her legs**_

_**Came to weeping**_

_**Came to weeping**_

_**And I heard your voice**_

_**As clear as day**_

_**And you told me I should concentrate**_

_**It was all so strange**_

_**And so surreal**_

_**That a ghost should be so practical**_

_**Only if for a night"**_

_**Florence+The Machine, "Only If For A Night"**_

* * *

_There goes another chapter! What happened with Puck? Was he really there? Was Kurt hallucinating? Is he going crazy? Is Puck somehow alive? These questions are valid ones, but sadly, they are questions I won't answer yet. Stick around for another chapter!_

_Much love and warmth,_

_Master Gaga_


	4. Never Let Me Go

_Hello, amazing readers! Here's the fourth chapter of Swimming Home. Before you begin reading, I'd like to thank some people. I know, I know. You'll probably think: "Now? Why not at the beginning of the story?". Well, I don't know. I just decided to thank them now, and…it's better late than never, you know!_

_Artemys Beatrix Hunter: You're my best friend. No, really. You're always there, you always care, and you never leave me alone, no matter how much I scream at you and tell you how I rather be…you know. In a certain state I rather not be right now. Thank you for letting me see myself through your eyes and for making me feel good enough. You're the best._

_JasonDragon64: Quickly, you have earned a place in my heart. You're always reviewing, always supporting me, and you're the closest I have to a Fanfiction pal. Also, you're super talented. I mean, c'mon. Who hasn't read that epic story of yours (**For Good**, for those of you who apparently live in some other dimension)? I must say, your story inspired me to continue writing. It has all the good things a story needs (romance, supernatural elements, romance…) and...Thank you. Like Artemys, you believed in me, and I appreciate that a lot._

_Now, dear readers, go on. Read the chapter. You're in for a surprise with this one :)_

* * *

_Never Let Me Go_

_Noah's POV_

Kurt has disappeared.

Throughout the whole morning, we have the same classes, and he's been to none of them. On a normal day, I would've thought he stayed home, but not today. I saw him this morning at the parking lot, so I know he's not home.

_Calm down, Puck. Maybe he just felt like not going to his morning classes and he's skipping._

I nod at the thought, and hope it's true.

The thought helps me make it through my last class of the morning, and when the bell rings, I run out of the classroom.

In a matter of seconds, I am in the cafeteria. I look around for Kurt, but don't see him. Shame takes over me.

_Dude, you're acting like a stalker. Calm down._

I silently go get my food, and while I am making my way towards a table, I see her. Mercedes is sitting all alone in a corner of the cafeteria, eating tots happily.

_Go to her! She'll tell you where Kurt is!_

I walk towards the table she's at, and I sit across from her. This surprises her, and it makes her look up from her food.

"Hey, Mercedes." I say, and start eating from my food. If I'm going to ask her about Kurt, I have to act polite. _Remember, she has a temper. It's not good to get on her bad side._

"Hello, Puck. Why are you sitting with me?" Mercedes asks bluntly. I grin. _This chick has balls._

"I noticed you were alone and decided you needed company. After all, nobody should be alone." The last part comes from my heart, which freaks me out. It feels like I just exposed a huge part of myself to Mercedes. Luckily, she doesn't say anything. She just nods, and resumes her eating.

I eat for a while, trying to keep up the façade. Then, after becoming bored, I decide to ask her about Kurt.

"Can I ask you something, Mercedes?" I say, in my most polite tone. Mercedes looks up at me, and frowns.

"You're scaring me, Puck. First, you sit with me. Then, you're actually _nice _to me. Now, you want to ask me something. Are you dying?" Mercedes asks, and for a moment, I am stunned.

Her words, for some reason, have hurt me more than they should. Does she actually think I'm incapable of being nice?

_Well, think about it, Puck. You've never actually been nice to her. _

I push the thought away, angry at the fact that it's true. I've never been 'nice' to Mercedes, or anyone else, for that matter.

"No, Mercedes, I am not dying. I just wanted to ask you a question." I say softly, and I realize I'm close to breaking into tears.

_Great. Let the whole world know you're a softie. _

Mercedes stares at me for a while, as if I've grown two heads and started singing one of the songs Kurt usually sings for Glee Club.

"Ok, Fine. Ask me." Mercedes says.

"Where's Kurt?" I ask her, and she looks away from me. My internal lie detector starts beeping instantly.

_She's turning away, which is typical liar behavior. I should know, I've done it tons of times._

"He didn't come to school today. He's got mono." Mercedes says, and I grin.

"That's a lie. You want to know how I know, Mercedes?" She turns to look at me, and I grin. Her face is full of surprise. ", I saw Kurt in the parking lot this morning." I say, and wait for her to confess.

For a moment, it looks like she won't say anything, but she exhales, and gives me a dirty look.

"Fine, Puckerman. You win. Kurt's skipping school today." Mercedes says, and I frown. Why would Kurt skip school?

"Why is he skipping school?" I ask, and Mercedes grins. Instantly, I know what the grin means. It's her trademark gossip grin.

"Kurt's going on a date with Blaine. He's Kurt's boyfriend, you know. They met at Dalton."

The world freezes, shatters, and I'm left standing in the middle of the mess that is made by Mercedes' words.

_Kurt has a boyfriend._

"Puck? Puck, are you ok?" Mercedes asks, and I nod.

"Yes, I'm fine. I've got to go, ok?" I tell her, and she nods. I get up, and go to the bathroom. There, I lock myself in a stall and cut myself.

* * *

_Kurt's POV_

I wake up smiling.

I smile through showering, dressing up and driving to school. Finn notices-Dad and Carole make me drive him to school-but doesn't say anything, for which I am grateful.

How could I explain to him that the reason I'm smiling is that I know-or think-that Puck isn't dead? That somehow, Puck is still…among us?

I go have breakfast, and am joined at my table by Mercedes and Tina. We talk for a while, until the bell rings.

I make my way to class, and it is there where something extremely shocking happens. In my desk, something is written.

_Meet me at the graveyard. I have to tell you something._

_P_

The fact that somehow Puck snuck into school and wrote this on my desk makes me feel extremely happy. Not only did he come to write something for me, but he remembered which seat was mine.

_You're falling for him, Kurt. You're falling for someone who is not only dead, but who's possibly either a vampire or a ghost._

I grin at the thought. Puck would make a hot vampire, but an even hotter ghost. I can imagine him sneaking into my house in the middle of the night…

"Kurt Hummel, please report to Emma Pillsbury's office." A strange voice says through the intercom, and I groan.

I grab my things, and walk out of the classroom. Normally, I would've been happy about having the chance to leave class. But going to the guidance counselor's office? No!

When I step into the office, I notice two things. First, the outfit Emma is wearing is hideous. Second, the place looks brand new. Every visible surface is shiny, painfully so.

"Sit down, Kurt. I want to talk to you." Emma says, and points at the chair in front of her desk. I sit down, and wonder what she would want to talk to me about.

"Why am I here?" I ask Emma, who smiles creepily. For a moment, she reminds me of the demonic old lady in _Legion_. I shake it off, and smile. She smiles back.

"Well, Kurt, I heard that you fainted a couple of days ago." Emma says, and I nod. Word had spread around pretty quickly about what happened.

"Yes. It's true." I say, and she nods. I look around her desk, and notice it's covered in stacks of pamphlets.

"Do you know what caused you to faint, sweetie?" Emma asks, and I look up at her. I shake my head. Then, I nod.

"Well, yeah. I didn't eat anything that morning." I say, and she frowns.

"You didn't have any food around?" She asks, and I shake my head again.

"No, I did. I just…forgot about eating. I had tons of things on my mind." I say, and Emma nods.

"What kind of things?" She asks softly, and I wonder if what I tell her will be known by Mr. Schue.

"You can't talk to anyone about what I tell you, right?" I ask her, and she nods violently. For a moment I wonder if it's possible she loses her head for shaking it in such a violent manner.

"Unless I consider you a danger to yourself, or others." Emma says, and I nod. _Can I really open up to a stranger?_

"I didn't eat because…I was kind of a wreck that day. I had so many things on my mind, I didn't even think about eating." I say.

"What kind of things did you have on your mind?" She asks, and her huge eyes focus on me.

"My boyfriend broke up with me recently. Also, I…I was thinking about Puck." I say, and I look at her. She doesn't look freaked out, or like I've said anything weird.

"You shouldn't starve yourself because of break ups, Kurt. Being anorexic won't get you your boyfriend back." Emma says, and I look at her, stunned.

"I didn't…I'm not…Gaga, I'm not anorexic." I tell her, and she smiles.

"I know, Kurt. I'm just letting you know. But anyways, you said you were thinking about Puck. What about him?" Emma asks, and I wonder if I can tell her or not.

_Haven't you seen enough movies to know that trusting adults always leads to either ending up in an asylum, or getting an exorcism?_

"I was thinking about the way he died." I say, and Emma frowns.

"Kurt, I…Puck committed suicide." She says, and I nod instantly.

"I know. I just…I can't really imagine Puck killing himself, you know? He was always so strong, so tough…"I realize I'm on the verge of tears. I look at Mrs. Pillsbury.

"You can cry, sweetheart. It's ok." She says, and I give into my grief. I don't cry because I'm angry at him, or because I'm sad he's dead. No.

I cry because he's still around, because he hasn't found the peace the living world didn't offer him.

"I never thought about him much. He wasn't…he wasn't the kind of person who I thought about all the time. Now, however, I realize something." I say, and Mrs. Pillsbury is looking at me like she's expecting something monumental to happen.

"Yes?" She asks softly. I smile, and wipe away my tears.

"I…I have feelings for him. I don't know what they are yet but…I do know he meant…means…something to me." I say, and Mrs. Pillsbury's eyes widen.

"Kurt…I hate to be a downer but…I think you shouldn't think about these feelings too much." Mrs. Pillsbury says, and I frown.

_Does she want me to slap her?_

"What do you mean, Mrs. Pillsbury?" I ask, and she stays silent for a moment, as if she were considering not saying anything.

"Puck is gone, Kurt. You shouldn't dwell on your feelings too much because he's not…around…to reciprocate them." She says, her wide eyes filled with tears.

_Oh, Cher. This talk is affecting her as much as me._

I get up from my chair.

"Thanks a lot for listening to me, Mrs. Pillsbury. You've…you've really helped me. I've-I've got to go." I say, and she nods.

Then, I do something really crazy.

I run out of her office and go to my car. There, I drive off to the graveyard, hoping Puck is already there.

* * *

As soon as I step into the graveyard, I know Puck is here. How, I don't know. I just feel it. I make my way towards his headstone.

When I'm close to the headstone, I notice a tall, muscular boy standing before it. I smile, and scream.

"Puck! I'm here!" I scream, and he turns around. He is grinning. I run towards him, and once I'm close enough, I jump.

He catches me, and pulls me into a hug.

"Oh God, Kurt. I've missed you like hell." Puck says, and kisses my forehead. When we pull away, I drink in the sight of him.

_How can he be…dead? He looks as alive as anybody else._

"What did you want to tell me?" I ask him, and he grabs my hands. The feeling is bliss, and I wish to never have to let go.

Puck's eyes meet mine.

"Kurt…what I'm going to say is gonna sound really crazy." Puck says, and I laugh.  
"Crazier than this?" I ask him, and he smiles.

"Yes. Even crazier than this." Puck says, and his tone is serious. _Until today, you've never heard him being serious._

"What is it?" I ask him, fear evident in my voice. I places one of his hands on my cheek.

"I died young, Kurt. I'm…I'm getting a chance to do one thing right." Puck says, and I gasp.

"This sounds like goodbye. _Please_, tell me it isn't." I say, and Puck shakes his head quickly.

"This isn't goodbye, Kurt. I'm just…what I want to tell you is…you have to read the letters. You have to know how I feel." Puck says, and I frown.

"I already know how you feel, Puck." I say softly, and he grins.

"Yes. But…the letters, they're important. Once you read them, I'll be able to leave. To cross over." Puck says, and tears come to my eyes.

"But I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. _I want you to love me._" I say, sounding much like a child who knows he won't get what he wants, but still fights for it.

Puck smiles, and kisses me lightly.

"I'll love you, Kurt. I'll always love you. I just…I can't stay here. It's not my home anymore." Puck says, and I realize that this must be as hard for him as it is for me.

I kiss him passionately, hoping it shows him how much he means to me. How much he will _always_ mean to me.

When we pull away, realize it is raining. In a matter of seconds, the both of us are soaked.

"Go home, Kurt. You'll get sick." Puck says, and I nod.

"Puck…tomorrow is the first Glee Club meeting without you. I'm…I was wondering if…" I stop talking. I don't know if he wants to hear what I'm about to say. He grabs my hand, and looks into my eyes.

"Yes, babe?" He asks softly, and it makes my heart beat super fast.

"I want to sing you a song. You've let me know through your letters how you feel about me. I think it's time I let you know _I_ feel." I say, and notice it's starting to rain harder.

"I'll drop by and watch, if that's what you're asking me to do." Puck says, and I nod. I kiss him one last time before running to my car.

_My name is Kurt Hummel. And I'm in love with a ghost._

* * *

When I get home, the first thing I do is go to the shower and take a hot shower. I'm freezing from being under the rain for so long, and the hot water feels heavenly.

_Like a dying lover's kiss…_

I push the thought away, and go to my room. There, I hook my IPod to the stereo, and play a song I haven't played in a long time.

_**Looking up from underneath**_

_**Fractured moonlight on the sea**_

_**Reflections still look the same to me**_

_**As before I went under**_

_**And it's peaceful in the deep**_

_**Cathedral where you cannot breathe**_

_**No need to pray no need to speak**_

_**Now I am under all**_

_**And it's breaking over me**_

_**A thousand miles down to the sea bed**_

_**Found the place to rest my head**_

_**Never let me go**_

_**Never let me go**_

I sit on the edge of my bed, and pull the letters from under my pillow. This is becoming a routine, and it is one I'm not planning to break.

I rip open letter number 4's envelop, and begin reading quickly.

_**Dear Kurt,**_

_**Today, the most horrible thing happened. Mercedes told me you are dating someone. Be this true or not, I'm…happy for you.**_

_**Why? Well, you've found someone. You're not alone. Finally, you'll have someone to talk to, someone to hold you when you feel sad or lost.**_

_**Honestly? Yes, I'm kind of angry. But I'm not angry at you. I'm angry that the guy is not me. I'm angry that it won't be me who'll be lucky enough to hold you, to kiss you.**_

_**From the bottom of my heart, Kurt, I wish you the best. I wish your relationship is all you want and need, and that this guy makes you happy. I don't care if he's better than me, or if he looks hotter (which I doubt). All I care about is you, and that you're happy. If this guy makes you happy…then great. Someone like you deserves to be happy.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Noah**_

This time, when I'm done reading, I'm not crying, or about to cry. I'm feeling happy, and loved. Puck wasn't possessive, like Blaine had been. He accepted that I was with Blaine, and he hadn't wished me the worst, or had told me anything horrible about Blaine.

It is in this moment that I realize I love him. Every piece of the puzzle comes together, and I know what I'll be singing to Puck tomorrow.

_I just hope he likes it._

"_**It's a half life**_

_**With you as my quarterback**_

_**A daft life**_

_**It's a half life**_

_**With you as my quarterback**_

_**A daft life**_

_**You know you'll never be lonely**_

_**You know you'll always be loved**_

_**And maybe you'll never need more than that**_

_**But of the surplus that loves, what's to become of us?**_

_**Does it even register on your conscience?"**_

_**-"Half Life", by Imogen Heap**_

* * *

_That's the fourth chapter, darklings. I hope you all liked it. Also, let me mention more people who fuel my creativity:_

_ThatChickWithTheFace: You're always around, and for some reason, you always support my stories. I don't know what inspires you to do it, but thank you. Your reviews always make me smile._

_GleekShip: I love your stories! They always inspire me, and make me think._

_Much love and warmth,_

_Master Gaga_


	5. My Heart Is Broken

_Hello, dear readers. Here is the fifth chapter of Swimming Home. Again, I'd like to thank you for the support and love you've been giving to this story since the beginning. It truly means a lot to me, since Swimming Home is a story I'm very, very fond of._

_Anyways, I want to explain something. This chapter is my favorite in the entire story, and I have to say why. First of all, this story is not about the romance, or the supernatural. Those are elements that are huge parts of the story-but they're just that. Parts._

_This story is about acceptance. Puck-as a ghost-has to accept his actions weren't the best, and eventually…he has to move on. Kurt has to accept everyone is human and that we all make mistakes. This part of the story shows that perfectly and…I hope you like it as much as I do._

* * *

_My Heart Is Broken_

_Noah's POV_

_They made him queen._

The McKinley High student body had voted Kurt Hummel-my Snow White-Prom Queen. I see as he is stunned by this, and runs out of the gym. His hobbit boyfriend follows him, and I desperately wish it could've been me going after him.

Carefully, I make my way out of the gym, and follow Blaine. I see him talking to Kurt in the hall, and I hide to prevent them noticing I am eavesdropping.

I hear Kurt sobbing, and I come undone. I almost run to him, but I hold back. _Don't you dare, Puck. You're not his boyfriend. Let the hobbit handle the situation._

I hear Blaine comfort him, and for once, I don't hate him. I feel grateful that Kurt has someone to comfort him; someone to tell him that what happened wasn't his fault in anyway.

"I deserve it, Blaine." I hear Kurt say, and I gasp.

How could he think that? How could he even think he deserved something so atrocious to happen to himself?

"No, you don't, baby. They're idiots. They're all stupid and blind. They don't see how wonderful you are." Blaine says, and I feel tears coming to my eyes.

_What I wouldn't give to be him. What I wouldn't give to be comforting Kurt._

I decided to give them their space, and I return to the gym. There, everyone seems to be frozen in time. No one has moved since Kurt was declared Queen.

I notice Azimio Adams laughing by the punch, and I make my way towards him.

"What are you laughing at, you homophobe?" I ask him, and he stares at me for a moment. Then, he unleashes.

"The fact that that _fucking fairy _got crowned queen is hilarious." Azimio says, and walks towards me. I suddenly realize he's trying to intimidate me. I laugh.

"You'd be surprised at who's a fucking fairy. You should look among your friends in particular." I say, and he frowns, obviously unaware that I am talking about his supposed best friend, Dave.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Azimio asks, clearly angered at the fact that I am accusing his friends of being gay.

"You know what it means, you moron." I say, and he lunges at me. I dodge quickly, and grin. Then, a crash is heard.

_Oh my God. He just crashed against the table with all the refreshments._

I grin at the thought, and make my way out of them gym. In a matter of seconds, I'm at the parking lot.

There, it hits me.

I'll never have Kurt. At least, I'll never have him the way Blaine does. Kurt and I might get close, but he'll never get as close to me as he's with Blaine.

_Can't you ever fall for someone who's available?_

The thought makes me want to die, and while struggling with the pain, I drive home, whishing the whole way there some drunk driver would hit my car, killing me instantly.

* * *

_Kurt's POV_

I wake up early in the morning, quickly making a plan as I shower. I need Finn-and someone who can play the guitar-to help me do the song I want for Puck. But can I count on Finn?

After getting dressed-I put on a black shirt, red skinny jeans and converse-I go to the kitchen, where I make pancakes, Finn's favorite breakfast. I put the food on the table, and begin waiting. In a matter of seconds, the smell attacks Finn and he's sitting across from me, eating like someone who hasn't had food in years.

"I haven't had pancakes in such a long time! It's official, Kurt. You're God." Finn says, and I laugh.

"Thanks, but no thanks. Too much work for me." I say, and we both laugh. _Go on, Kurt. Ask him. He'll say yes, and you know it._

"Finn, can I ask you for a big favor?" I ask, and Finn looks up from his plate. Without a doubt, he nods.

"Of course. We're brothers." Finn says, and I find his logic sweet.

"Well, you know, today is the first Glee Club reunion without Puck and…I wanted to sing a song for him." I say, and look at Finn, wondering if somehow my words have hurt him.

But Finn doesn't look hurt. He looks like he's thinking really hard. I wait for him to talk, and share his thoughts.

"I think that's a great idea. It'd be a way for us to…honor his memory, but at the same time, let him go." Finn says, and I nod. Then, a portion of what he said sinks in.

_Let him go._

"Finn, if Puck were a ghost and he was hanging around, would you want him to stay, or would you rather he moved on?" The question slips, and for a moment, Finn looks startled by it. Then, he answers in a tone I've never heard him use before.

"I think that as much as I'd love to have him around…he should move on. It would be…better for him, in a way." Finn says, and his eyes meet mine. I'm surprised by the maturity of his answer, and I look away.

_You know you'll have to let him go eventually, Kurt. You're just delaying it._

"Kurt…why did you ask me about the song? I mean, yes, it's nice you considered my opinion, but…why?" Finn asks, and I smile. I turn to look at him.

"I need a drummer." I say, and he grins.

"Consider it done." Finn says instantly, and I'm delighted by it, like I was earlier by his 'we're brothers' logic.

"Do you need anything else?" Finn asks, and I feel happiness taking over me. Never would I have thought I'd be so delighted at having Finn Hudson as my stepbrother.

"I need someone who can play the guitar." I say, and Finn waves his hand, as if saying 'done'.

"I'll call Sam. What song are we doing?"

* * *

When lunch time comes, I'm feeling anxious, and afraid. Glee Club is my last 'class', and I'm wondering if my fellow Gleeks will like the performance.

I go to my locker to drop off some books, when I get a surprise.

"Pretend I'm not here." His husky, sexy voice says from behind me, and I instantly smile.

"Am I the only one who can see you?" I ask.

"Yes. You and Sarah. I don't really know why, but that's the way it works." Puck says, and I nod. I turn around, and drink him in.

He's wearing an _I Walked with a Zombie _t-shirt, black skinny jeans and combat boots. _You've got yourself your own classic bad boy, Kurt._

"When you're done staring, babe, we'll talk." Puck teases and I giggle.

"Sorry. You just look…like a walking classic." I say, and Puck _blushes._

"I know. Since you're singing me a song, I decided I'd look my best." Puck says sweetly, and I feel myself blushing.

"You are absolutely the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen." Puck says, and I look away.

_Oh, don't be such a prude! You know you want to kiss him._

"I want to kiss you so bad." I say, and look back at him. His eyes are filled with sadness, which breaks my heart.

"I feel the same way. But if I do kiss you right now, people will only see you, engaging in a very heated kiss with yourself. They'll think you're crazy." Puck jokes and I laugh.

"They already do. But you're right. They'd-"The bell rings, interrupting me. I groan. Puck laughs.

"Go to class, babe. I'll be waiting in the choir room. I swear, I'll be there." Puck says, and I nod.

"Ok."

I go to class, and don't concentrate at all. Then, when I thought I'd fall asleep, I got a text from Finn.

_**Sam agreed to play guitar, and I taught him the song. All will be fine. You ok?**_

I reply instantly, grateful for the distraction.

**Yeah. Freaking out about it, but that's ok. It's what I do before every performance.**

A few minutes after I send my text, Finn's reply comes in.

_**Dude, you'll do fine. You're a great singer. Puck would be proud.**_

I don't reply to the text, because in the moment I'm about to do so, the bell rings, telling me it's time for Glee Club. I race out of the class, and make my way to the choir room.

When I get to the choir room, all my fears vanish. Puck is sitting in the back, and he's here, just like he promised he would.

Mr. Schue, who is standing before the classroom, turns to look at me.

"Mr. Schue, did Finn already tell you?" I ask him, and he nods. He motions for me to stand before my fellow Gleeks, and I nearly panic.

"Um, well…I decided that since this was our first meeting without Puck, I'd…that I would sing him a song." I say, and Puck blows me a kiss from the back.

I turn around, and notice Finn and Sam are already set up. I nod to myself, and walk towards the piano. I sit, and begin playing.

_I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you._

_I pull away to face the pain._

_I close my eyes and drift away._

_Over the fear that I will never find_

_A way to heal my soul._

_And I will wander 'til the end of time_

_Torn away from you._

I look at Puck before singing the next part, because he needs to know this is me, speaking from my soul, to him.

_My heart is broken_

_Sweet sleep, my dark angel_

_Deliver us from sorrow's hold_

_Or from my hard heart_.

_I can't go on living this way_

_And I can't go back the way I came_

_Shamed of this fear that I will never find_

_A way to heal my soul_

_And I will wander 'til the end of time_

_Half a life without you_

_My heart is broken_

_Sweet sleep, my dark angel_

_Deliver us_

Then, I stop singing. I continue playing the piano, and I let Finn take over the song. In the instant I stop singing, his voice continues from where I left off.

_Change - open your eyes to the light_

_I denied it all so long, oh so long_

_Say goodbye, goodbye_

_My heart is broken_

_Release me, I can't hold on_

_Deliver us_

_My heart is broken_

_Sweet sleep, my dark angel_

_Deliver us_

_My heart is broken_

_Sweet sleep, my dark angel_

_Deliver us from sorrow's hold_

When the song is over, everyone is silent. I look over to where Puck is, and I discover he is crying. Mr. Schue speaks then.

"That was beautiful, guys. Really beautiful. I'm sure Puck would've loved it."

* * *

"Did you like it?" I ask Puck as I drive us to the graveyard.

"It was heartbreaking. I would've given anything to just…be able to kiss you afterwards." Puck says, and I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"We'll never be like other couples, will we?" I ask him as we park in front of the graveyard. I turn the car off and look at him.

"Kurt…we'll never be a couple." Puck says, his eyes meeting mine. I feel as my world shatters in a moment.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, and he shakes his head.

"Babe, please, don't make me say it." Puck says, and looks away.

_Kurt, stop. You're hurting him._

"Say it, Puck. Just say it. _You don't want to be with me!_" I scream the last part, and it surprises me. Puck looks at me, his eyes filled with tears.

"Kurt, I cannot be with you. Not because I don't want to, but because _I'm dead_. _I'm dead_ and I can't offer you anything but misery." Puck says, and he lunges at me.

His lips meet mine, and our fight is forgotten. In that moment, we are one. We're not a boy and a ghost, we're…_soulmates._

He pulls away, and for a moment, all we do is stare at each other.

"What was that for?" I ask him, and it's almost a whisper.

"That was our last kiss." Puck says, and makes his way out of the car. I watch in shock as he walks to the cemetery gates, and before he walks in, he waves at me.

_He's saying goodbye._

I don't cry as I drive home. I think I haven't processed what just happened yet, and I'm not ready to do so.

When I get home, I shower and go to sleep, without reading a letter.

_I, I,_

_I can see it in your eyes_

_Taste it in our first kiss_

_Stranger in this lonely town (this lonely town)_

_Save me from my emptiness (save me)_

_You took my hand_

_You told me it would be ok_

_I trusted you to hold my heart_

_Now fate is pulling me away, from you_

_-"This Love", by The Veronicas_

* * *

_That was the fifth chapter of Swimming Home; shorter than the rest, but still as important. Now…the bad news._

_The next two chapters of Swimming Home conclude the story. The bad news? I'm not going to post in a while, because I need to write a good finale. Please, bear with me. Maybe I'll write the next to chapters really quick and it won't take me that long to post, but I'm not so sure. I'm gonna take my time, to make sure that whatever I write is good._

_ILU,_

_Master Gaga_


	6. Loose Ends

_Hi, beautiful readers. Welcome to the first part of the two-part finale to Swimming Home. Please, don't hate me if this doesn't end the way you wanted it to end. I appreciate the way you've supported the story, and I would love it if you'd support these last two chapters the same way._

_Now, I want to clarify one thing. This story-out of the ones I've written-has been my most experimental and daring. I've written chapters of it on a whim, I've written in places I don't even want to talk about, and I've jumped out of dinners just because I had a line in my mind I simply had to write down._

_With that said, continue reading. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review!_

* * *

_Loose Ends_

_Noah's POV_

I am lying on the floor of my bathroom, crying my eyes out. It's the first week of summer, and it's what I've been doing since we returned from New York.

When Rachel and Kurt escaped from the hotel, I followed them. I heard them talk about wanting to be on Broadway, and I heard them sing _For Good. _Ever since that moment, I've been wide awake. I've been painfully aware of the truth.

_I'm never gonna be able to be something Kurt can love. Not the way he loves his friends, or the way he feels about New York. I'm never gonna be the boyfriend he deserves._

It's what I've been doing ever since we came back, and I don't regret it. I don't feel bad, or even care. I'm giving into my pain, and it feels good. It feels _right._

The door to the bathroom starts to open slowly, and I sit up quickly.

"Noah? Can I…can I come in?" Sarah asks, and the door is fully open now. She's standing there, looking at me with frightened eyes. I nod, and open my arms.

"Of course you can. Come here, sweetie." I say, and she runs towards me. She drops on my lap, and lays her head against my chest. I wrap my arms around her.

"You have to stop. You're scaring me." Sarah says bluntly, and I groan.

"Please, tell me you haven't been listening to me crying my eyes out." I say, and she nods.

"I have. I'm watching over you. Mom's never here so…who'll save you if you try to do something reckless?" Sarah says, and for a moment, I freeze. The maturity of her words stun me, and I look down at her to discover she's been looking up at me this whole time.

"I won't do something reckless." I say, and she smiles.

"You're Noah. Of course you'll do something reckless. It's what you do." Again, her words stun me.

"When did you get so smart?" I tease, and she laughs.

"I've always been smart. You just didn't notice." Sarah says, and I nod.

"True."

"Noah…can you tell me why you've been crying? I won't tell mom. I just…I want to know if I can help you." Sarah says, and I look down at her.

"I trust you, Sarah, I do. But I can't tell you. I don't want to mess you up." I say, and she laughs.

"Noah, I'm already messed up. Mom's barely here and Dad's been MIA for years now. So, just tell me. I can take it." Sarah's words stun me yet again, and for a moment, I wonder if I can tell her. I decided to trust her, even though she's a child.

"I'm in love with someone. And I know they'll never love me back." I confess, and look away.

"Why are you so sure they'll never love you back?" Sarah asks, and for a moment I consider not answering.

"Kurt would never love a guy like me, Sarah. I'm just damaged goods." I say, and tears come to my eyes. I feel Sarah move, and before I can do anything, her face is right in front of mine.

"Listen to me, Noah Puckerman. How dare you say you're just damaged goods? Have you even told him you love him?" Sarah asks, angry. I am startled, but amazed at the same time. Not only didn't see care about the fact that who I am in love with is a boy, but she didn't judge me either.

"I can't tell him, Sarah. I just can't."

A week later, I killed myself, not being able to see Kurt and the newly transferred Blaine walking around McKinley, holding hands.

* * *

_Kurt's POV_

_I walk into the graveyard quickly, and make my way towards his headstone. On the way there, I think about things._

_How could I have been so insensitive? The way I treated Puck had been terribly stupid. I had to apologize; he had to know I loved him._

_I stop, realizing I'm in front of his headstone._

_But I'm not. I'm standing before nothing. Where his headstone should be there is only glass. I turn around, and gasp._

_The graveyard is empty; the place I'm at doesn't even look like a graveyard. It's only grass and flowers. It looks more a like meadow._

"_Oh my God, he's gone. He's gone and he never knew I loved him." I say to no one, and am startled when I receive an answer._

"_Sweetheart, you still have a chance." A soft, beautiful voice says behind me. I turn around, and gasp again. Tears come to my eyes._

_She looks the same as I remember; long black hair, pale skin, and beautiful blue eyes. She's wearing a long white dress, and she looks like a faerie princess._

"_Mom?" I ask, and she smiles. She nods, and extends her hands. I take them, and nearly explode. Her hands feel real._

"_Kurt, you still have time. It's not a lot, but you still have time. Let him know you love him. Set him free." Mom says, and I feel tears rolling down my face._

"_Mom, I can't. If I let him go, I'll be alone. I'll be alone like I've been my whole life." I say, and Mom shakes her head._

"_You've never been alone, my love. You have your Dad. You have Carole, and Finn, and Mercedes. And you have me, sweetheart." Mom says._

"_No offense Mom, but you're…"I don't dare say it, and I instantly regret the words. _

"_I know, Kurt. In your world, I'm nothing more than bones and dust. But always know that somewhere else, I'm like this. And I'm always watching over you, beautiful." Mom says, and leans in. She kisses my forehead, and pulls me into a hug._

"_All is full of love, Kurt. Always remember that."_

* * *

When I wake up, I wake up smiling. _You have both been giving a second chance, Kurt. Use it._

I get up from bed, take a shower, and get dressed. Then, silently, I make my way out of the house. I get into my car, and drive to the graveyard.

It's early, nearly 4:00 a.m. But I don't care. He has to know how I feel.

I've been avoiding Puck for a week now, and it's been hurting like hell. He's left me notes in my locker (which I threw away), at my house (which I burnt) and wrote again on my desk (which I erased quickly).

_It's ok, Kurt. Push away the past, and embrace what's coming._

I nod at the thought, and feel happiness sweep over when I park in front of the graveyard. Quickly, I get out of the car and run into it.

I race to Puck's headstone, much like I had in my dream. I find it, but not him. Tears come to my eyes.

"Puck, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for having avoided you." I say, but instantly, I know words are not enough. Then, I hear a voice which is clearly not mine in my head, which gives me chills.

_You need to let the universe know. Words aren't enough this time._

I decided to follow the voice's advice, and on instinct, I begin singing.

_There's nothing I could say to you_

_Nothing I could ever do to make you see_

_What you mean to me_

_All the pain, the tears I cried_

_Still you never said goodbye, and now I know how far you'd go_

_I know I let you down, but it's not like that now_

_This time I'll never let you go_

The words are coming from my heart, and I wish that somehow, Puck hears them. I focus on his headstone while I sing.

_I will be all that you want and get myself together_

_Cause you keep me from falling apart_

_All my life I'll be with you forever_

_To get you through the day and make everything OK_

_I thought that I had everything, I didn't know what life could bring_

_But now I see, honestly_

_You're the one thing I got right_

_The only one I let inside_

_Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me_

_And if I let you down I'll turn it all around_

_Cause I would never let you go_

I stop singing abruptly because I am overcome with sadness, and I begin to cry. _What I've lost him? What if he's already gone?_

Then, I hear it.

A husky, beautiful voice.

_I will be all that you want and get myself together_

_Cause you keep me from falling apart_

_All my life I'll be with you forever_

_To get you through the day and make everything OK_

I turn around to see Noah, singing. He's standing right before me. I drop to my knees, and he does the same. He grabs my hands, and looks into my eyes as he sings.

_Cause without you I can't sleep_

_I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave_

_You're all I got_

_You're all I want_

_Yeah_

_And without you, I don't know what I'd do_

_I could never ever live a day without you here with me_

_Do you see you're all I need_

_And I will be all that you want and get myself together_

_Cause you keep me from falling apart_

_All my life (my life) I will be with you forever_

_To get you through the day and make everything OK_

When he's done singing he kisses my forehead, and then kisses me. The kiss is full of love and tenderness, and it makes me forget all the pain I've ever felt.

When we pull away, I speak.

"Thank you so much for believing in me. Thank you for giving me a second chance. _I was so blind_." I say, and Puck nods.

"The moment you stopped reading the letters, I lost my corporeal form. I had to possess dweebs to leave you all those notes and write on your desk. Eventually, I went to some sort of…sleep, I guess. _It was so dark_." Puck says, and I notice his eyes are full of tears. I intertwine my fingers with his, a signal of support.

"But then, I heard you singing. You were shining, Kurt, and you were _so beautiful_. Your love woke me up." Puck says, and begins crying. I pull him into my arms, and he rests his head on my shoulder.

"It'll always be like this, my love. You'll always have a place in my heart." I tell him, and he looks up at me.

In that moment, I forget all I know about him. I forget his history as a bully. The boy who's in my arms right now is not him; he's a brand new person. He's…Noah.

"You're letting me go." Noah says, and I shake my head.

"No. I'm letting you know that I accept you'll go, and that you'll always have a place in my heart. You'll always be my dark angel." I say, and Noah smiles.

"You love me."

"Of course I do. I love you, Noah Puckerman."

* * *

"I need paper, and a pen." Noah tells me as we walk into my room. I nod, and quickly get them. I give them to him, and he sits on the floor. He begins writing, and I leave him be. I go to my bed, and lie down.

"Are you going to sleep, beautiful?" Noah asks, and I laugh. _Me, beautiful?_

"No. I'm giving you space, _babe_." I say, and he laughs.

"I don't want space. I want to spend every minute I can with you, so please, avoid giving me space. Sit here with me." Noah says, and I do as he asks. I sit next to him on the floor, and lay my head on his shoulder.

"What are you writing?" I ask.

"Letters. They're my trademark, you know." Noah jokes, and I laugh. I kiss his neck.

"Be careful, Kurt. Kiss my neck one more and I might not respond." Noah says, and drops the pencil. I pull my head away from his shoulder, and look at him.

Noah looks smashing, like he always has. He looks like a Greek God; sexy, muscular, and radiant.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, can I ask you a question?" Noah asks, and him using my full name sends electricity through my body. I look into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Of course you can." I say, and he grabs my hand.

"Are you gonna keep reading the letters?" Noah asks, and I shake my head.

"No. It's not necessary anymore." I say, and he frowns.

"What do you mean?" He asks, surprised.

"I already know what they say. All the letters say you love me. And I feel the same way, Noah. _I love you_." I say, and I watch something change in him. I know it sounds weird, but I do.

Noah becomes surrounded by light, and for a moment, I wonder if he's turning into an angel.

"You did it, Kurt. You've set me free." Noah says, and I laugh.

"Yeah. I guess I did." I say, and Noah grabs my hand.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, may I ask you another question?" Noah asks, and I laugh again.

"You may."

"Can I make love to you?" Noah asks, and I feel tears come to my eyes. But finally, they're not from pain, or sadness. _These tears are tears of joy._

"Make love to me, Noah. Take away my sadness, and replace it with love."

"_No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone_

_No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden_

_No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love_

_No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love_

_No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world"_

_Florence+The Machine, "Blinding"_

* * *

_That's the first part of the finale. Do you like it? Do you hate it? Tell me in review format. C'mon, people. I know you're reading, my traffic stat tells me that. Review!_


	7. The Last Day On Earth

_I am so excited, readers! This is the last Swimming Home chapter. As I write this, I have Evanescence-an American rock band I love to death-playing on the background, just like I did when I wrote the first chapter._

_Writing this chapter is both rewarding and sad; why, you ask? Well, because ending a story is never easy for me. It's sad because, for me, ending a story is like letting a child go after watching them grow up._

_The good part, however, is that once you end it, you can feel proud about what you've created. That's how I feel about Swimming Home. I hope this finale satisfies you._

* * *

_The Last Day On Earth_

_Kurt's POV_

After two weeks of strange dreams and barely sleeping, I finally sleep through the night. Maybe it's because I sleep inside Noah's arms. I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. I'm way too happy to think about it.

When I open my eyes, I discover Noah looking down at me. I smile.

"How long have you been awake?" I ask, and Noah smiles. _God, that's such a beautiful smile. How come I didn't notice that it was before this whole thing?_

"I can't sleep so…I've been awake all night. I don't mean to sound like a freak or anything but…watching you sleep was fascinating." Noah says, and I laugh. I give him a chaste, innocent kiss.

"Thanks. But you should've slept. Depriving yourself of sleep is stupid." I say, and Noah chuckles.

"Again, babe, I tell you; I don't sleep. And besides, I'll be sleeping soon enough. Today's the day." The last part Noah says gives me chills, and I look away from him.

"Kurt…I thought you had accepted it." Noah says, and plays with a strand of my hair.

"I _have_ accepted it. It doesn't mean I like it, though." I say, and feel terrible for saying what I thought. I look back at Noah.

"Kurt, I don't like it either. But…I was given a second chance to get things right. I'm grateful for that. Also, it's my fault this happened. I killed myself. So…I'm gonna enjoy my last day on Earth as much as I can." Noah says, and I am speechless.

I give him a long, passionate kiss. When we pull away, he's smiling.

"What was that for?" Noah asks, and I grin.

"That was for being so damn wonderful, and so mature. Now, make love to me again. I...I want to feel you in me long after you're gone."

* * *

Hours after our lovemaking, we sit next to each other in my car, parked in front of Noah's house.

"Tell me what the plan is, one more time." Noah says, and I chuckle. _As if I'd forget._

"I'll put your letters in your mom's bed, and Sarah's with her dolls. Then, I'll get out of the house really fast, hoping no one catches me." The last part is a joke, and it makes Noah laugh. He gives me a quick kiss before I go.

"Thanks for doing this, Kurt." Noah says when I'm about to close the car door, and I guess he thought I wouldn't hear it. But I did, and I reply.

"How could I not, after all you've done for me?" I ask, and before he can answer, I close the car door.

Quickly, I make my way to the house's door, which like he said it would be, is unlocked. I get in, and make my way upstairs.

_The mother's room is the one next to the bathroom, that's where you need to go first._

I nod at the thought, and get into the mother's bedroom. There, I pull a letter from my pocket, check it's hers-_it's not, and I have to switch it with the other one stuffed inside my pocket_-and place it on top of one her pillows.

Then, I make my way to Sarah's bedroom, which is the one across from the mother's bedroom. I go inside, and get quite a surprise.

Sarah is sitting in her bed, playing with a Barbie missing an arm. When she notices I'm standing in the doorway, she smiles.

"Oh, hi Kurt! I knew you'd visit me eventually. I was going to ask mom to take me to your house, but since she's never around…" Sarah didn't say more, and she didn't have to. My heart broke for the little girl before me; she was truly alone now. There would be no big brother around to play with her, or help her get the stuff she needs. _She'll have to fend for herself now, just like I did when Mom died._

I go to her bed, and sit next to her. She looks at me, her brown eyes-_beautiful, just like Noah's_-full of interest.

"Sarah, I have to tell you something. It's going to sound crazy, but you have to promise me you'll try to understand." I tell her, and she nods quickly.

"I'll try my best." Sarah says, and I smile at her. I grab her hand.

"Sometimes…the people we love stick around…after death. Sometimes, after they die, they can't move on, because they have messages to give to those they've left behind." I say, and Sarah nods quickly.

"Well, your brother…Noah…"I try to tell her, but I can't.

"Kurt, I understand. Noah is a ghost." Sarah's smartness stuns me, and I look at her. Again, I get the feeling I got when I talked to her after Noah's funeral, at the graveyard. _She's young, but has a very old soul._

"He's been…haunting me, if you will. But it has been a pleasant haunting." I say, and Sarah smiles.

"He loved you. I guess…I guess he needed you to know that somehow." Sarah says, and I nod.

"Yes. And he loved you, too, Sarah. He wrote you a letter." I pull it from my pocket, and hand it to her.

Sarah grabs it, and for a moment, looks at it as if she doesn't know what it was, or what to do with it. Then, she proceeds to put it under her pillow, which makes me smile. _We're quite alike._

"Sarah, I want to ask you to do me a favor." I tell her, and she frowns.

"You don't have to ask." Sarah says, and I smile.

"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come to me. I promise, I'll always be there for you. _Always_." I say, and Sarah nods.

"Ok."

"I have to go now, Sarah. There's…there's something I need to do." I tell her, and again, she nods.

"I'll see you in a few months, Kurt."

* * *

Again, I sit next to Noah. We are in my car, parked before the cemetery. We haven't moved since we got here, and that was twenty minutes ago. _Say something, Kurt. Don't waste time._

I turn to look at Noah. Tears are running down his cheeks.

"Noah, I love you. I will always love you, and I will cherish the beautiful moments we spent together. When you were alive, and when you weren't, too." I say, and he laughs. He turns to look at me, and his eyes meet mine.

"You're all I ever wanted, Kurt. Now…Now I can go, because I know." Noah says, and I frown.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. Noah smiles, and places his hands on top of mine.

"When I returned, you were broken. Blaine had…you and that thing had recently broken up, and you haven given up on love, whether you knew it or not. Now, I can go because I know you believe in love, and you know love isn't given to you by a person. It's everywhere. You just have to look for it in the right places." Noah says, and I gasp, mostly surprised at the fact that it's true.

I lean in, and kiss him. Our tongues dance with each other fiercely, aware of the fact that it's the last time they'll do so.

When we pull away, we're no longer afraid. We know that what's coming is not something we need to fear; it's something we need to embrace, just like everything else.

Noah opens the car door, and walks out. Then, I do the same.

"You sure you want to see this?" Noah asks as we walk towards the gates. I nod.

"I want to be with you until the end." I say, and Noah smiles. He extends his hand, and I take it. He then leads the way to his headstone.

Once we are standing before it, he drops to his knees, and I do the same. He looks up at the sky, and I wonder if he's about to talk to God or something.

"Thank you for giving me a chance to let Kurt know I love him. Thank you for just…giving me a chance to make love, and not just have sex. Thank you for giving me the chance to kiss someone because I loved them, not because I felt like it and was feeling horny. Thank you for…for everything." Noah says, and I smile. Then, he gasps.

"Do you see that?" Noah asks, and he's no longer looking at the sky. He's looking a tree a few miles away from his headstone.

"Not really. What do you see?" I ask Noah, who doesn't turn around to look at me.

"It's so beautiful. It's light. Or…it looks more like energy. And there's a tall woman there. She's wearing a long white dress, and she has long black hair." Noah's words stun me, and I am instantly crying.

"It's my mom, Noah. She's my mom." I say, and Noah turns to look at me.

"She says she loves you, Kurt; and that every night, she sings you to sleep, even though you can't hear her." Noah smiles at me, and like last night, I notice he's surrounded by light.

"Go with her, Noah. She'll take care of you." I say, and Noah nods. He turns to look back at the tree-_Or my mother-_, but then looks back at me again. His eyes are filled with fear.

"Will you take care of Sarah?" Noah asks, and I nod. I bring his hand to my lips, and I kiss it. Then, I let it go.

"I will. I love you, Noah." Then, I add:" _I set you free._"

* * *

_Seven Months Later_

I am at the park, watching Sarah have fun on the swings. This is one of our many play dates throughout the month, and it makes me happy.

Somehow, I feel that by being here for her, I am making up for Noah being gone. _Deep inside, however, I know I'm not making up for anything. Noah is watching over us, from wherever he is. I'm just fulfilling his wishes._

"Can I sit next to you?" A voice asks from behind me, and I turn around to see a tall, muscular guy. His skin is pale, even more than mine, and his eyes are grey. I shrug.

"Sure." I say, and move a little to the side to make space on the bench for the boy.

"I'm Mark." He says after sitting down, and extends his hand. I shake it.

"Kurt." I say, and Mark smiles.

"I know, babe."

"_It's a love story for the new age_

_For the sixth page_

_Want a quick sick rampage?_

_Wining and dining_

_Drinking and driving_

_Excessive buying_

_Overdose and dyin'_

_On our drugs and our love_

_And our dreams and our rage_

_Blurring the lines between real and the fake_

_Dark and lonely_

_I need somebody to hold me_

_He will do very well_

_I can tell, I can tell_

_Keep me safe in his bell tower, hotel"_

_**Lana Del Rey, "National Anthem"**_

* * *

_That, my darklings, is the ending of Swimming Home. I know the end seems a little cliffhanger-ish, but it really isn't. If you can read between the lines, you'll know what's happening. I mentioned something earlier about soulmates…and soulmates always find each other, don't they?_

_Much love and warmth,_

_Master Gaga_


End file.
